More Real

Who do you think you are?

This is a deep dive into the human psyche. Understanding there is a big difference between happiness or the illusion of happiness and meaning in your life. Nicky’s had a journey of discovering who he really is and appreciating what makes him different. As a child he stood out from other kids because he was sensitive resulting in him being an easy target for others. This and his ability to connect deeply with everything and everyone led to bigger problems that surfaced in his adult life. He discusses the importance of adversity in our lives which we seek to avoid yet ultimately is the true catalyst for change and evolution.

As an adult he moved to India drawn by the yoga teachings which he couldn’t find in Australia. He landed an incredible job working for India’s largest company which ended relatively soon after arriving. Nicky suffered a nervous breakdown a culmination of a number of factors including an awful boss, a previous bad relationship and dissatisfaction with what he was doing day to day. He talks about his body restricting who he is, confining him in an unnatural way and trying to find where the connections are with people rather than where the differences are. His understanding of who he is and why he’s here coupled with the ability to reflect on extremely challenging periods in his life and recognise their importance, to me is a real gift. I truly hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did.

To find out more about Nicky please visit: www.hereyoga.com.au

What have you struggled the most with in your life?

Depression, mental illness and emotional childhood trauma. As a child Adrian had been through a lot. His mother was heavily addicted to prescription drugs and his father a Vietnam vet was not present. All of this coupled with his sensitivity meant that he was not validated by his family and learnt that he needed to find this elsewhere. Being sensitive resulted in him believing that when something bad happened or his mother was sick Adrian blamed himself. He wanted to help but couldn’t. This led to internalising all the criticism in his life. As a teenager Adrian found a group of kids who liked for him who he was but he became addicted to drugs and alcohol because they provided the freedom he couldn’t find elsewhere.

Despite these challenges Adrian followed the path that society has constructed, doing well at school, going to Uni, getting a job, making money and living the life but it didn’t make him happy. All those suppressed emotions, trauma as a child and a very unhealthy belief system resulted in panic attacks in his early 20’s which dramatically affected his mental health. Having seen therapists and tried many anti-depressants nothing worked which let to rehab. This was the end of the line! It was all too much and there was a lot of turmoil. Adrian then met someone that would change everything. A woman suggested Qigong meditation and what happened next was a spiritual awakening that shifted so much darkness leading to a huge transition. I truly hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did.

To find out more about Adrian please visit: https://corempower.com/Home/AdrianMiller

A friend calls to tell you he is going to commit suicide. How would you deal with that?

Jonathan felt different as a child and stood out which unfortunately made him an easy target to be bullied. Sadly, this has had a huge negative impact on his life and affected him greatly. His message around what to do if you are being bullied is important in my opinion and helps to stop this appalling behaviour. Jonathan has incredible courage to share his story with me. He talks candidly about trying to come to terms with being gay as a teenager and then having the strength to tell his family and friends in the late 80’s/early 90’s which was a huge deal at the time. How he felt rejected, tried to find acceptance, and being acknowledged for who he was. Throughout his life he has summoned real courage to face his demons and has grown as a result. He shares a truly traumatic story of receiving a call from a friend who had decided to end his life and trying to help him but unfortunately not being able to. This tragic event had huge ramifications for Jonathan’s life and ultimately led to big changes. I truly hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did.

How do you deal with a parent’s declining health?

At a young age Kate had to deal with the fear around her mothers early on set dementia. Trying to navigate her way through this and understand her own feelings threw up a lot of issues and was extremely challenging. Watching her mothers steady decline over the years constantly worrying about whether her mother had forgotten to do something that was important led Kate and her sisters to suffer from anxiety and depression later in life. As a result of this she developed strategies to cope with all that life threw at her.

This was a fascinating conversation about life and how to face your challenges which can be extreme at times. We talked about relationships, the significance of a strong paternal figure, lack of confidence and owning your shit! We delve into “emotional connection” and the ability to truly understand people, their feelings and navigating your way through this. I truly hope you enjoy the conversation as much as we did.

Where do you belong?

This question threw up a lot of issues and challenges that Shellie had to deal with in her life. Moving to a new place and having to try and fit into the myriad of social groups at her new school. Initially being rejected, feeling very alone and like she didn’t belong or was accepted. Being loved truly by her family but not by boys! Having no self-respect and doing things she knew were wrong but needing to feel like she was being seen so did them anyway. Then came the point of no return when enough was enough. She wanted out and to go somewhere where people understood her and that she felt like she BELONGED! She had searched for so long to find happiness, a sense of belonging and acceptance when what she really needed was always there inside of her, but she just hadn’t seen it. Happiness lies within!

Shellie throughout her adult life turned to alcohol to give her the “buzz” she needed and to hide how she really felt. This went on for some time until one day unfortunately she had an incident that changed her life. I truly hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did.

Phil had the incredible skill of seeing future events before they happened

From an early age Phil suffered terrible illness that affected him in so many ways. He grew up in the mining towns on the west coast of Tasmania in the 1950’s. As a kid he was very sick and was given too much cortisone which them caused him to be overweight and bullied at school. He had to deal with the terrible ordeal of being molested as a small boy and not being able to tell his parents what had happened because of the shame it would bring. Phil was able to see future events as a child before they happened. He would go to sleep and then visualise them. It was a gift as well as a terrible burden as he believed he had caused these events to happen. He suffered from chronic fatigue as a result of the drugs he was given as a child resulting in him having to lie down not function and rely on the help of others to feed and wash him. Because he gave so much of himself throughout his life and too much cortisone as a child, he had a cardiac arrest in his 40’s and was technically dead for over 4 minutes and then brought back to life. He recounted his out of body experience in detail (an incredible story!). Phil is a very smart man who sees the world in an incredible way. I truly hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did. 

Please note there are parts of this recording where the audio is not always clear so I hope this doesn’t detract from your enjoyment.

I hadn’t dealt with any of my pain and I just wanted to end my life!

For a large part of his life Luke lived with pain and misery unable to have honest relationships with people close to him. For most of his time at school he was bullied because as he put it “I was unlikeable’’ resulting in him trying to take his life at 11 and a number of times subsequently. He was totally disconnected, isolated and lost in the world. So paralysed by fear he’s been unable to get out of bed. He constantly regulates his responses to other people which is exhausting and suffers from severe anxiety every day and visualises extreme events that won’t happen. During his adult life he became an alcoholic and, in the end, couldn’t cope with it all and tried to kill himself. If it wasn’t for a freak event, then he wouldn’t be alive today but thankfully he is and thanks to the support of many people has been sober for 7 years. Luke has found himself finally and I believe he was and is a courageous human being, but he doesn’t see himself in that way which has ultimately led to people attacking him throughout his life. He never truly revealed himself to anyone until he met his current wife, because at Luke said “who would love me? Luke has needed other people to make him happy but now life is worth living because he wants to be the best version of Luke he can. I truly hope you enjoy this conversation as much as we did.

Imagine having the ability to know a person and understand them before you’ve spoken to them?

Adam is highly empathic and as a child was able to receive information that he had no control over. He had no boundaries and so unfortunately was bullied at school and became an easy target for those who were prepared to cross boundaries. Adam struggled for a large period of his life to deal with understanding all of this and why everyone wasn’t the same as him. His relationships with women were affected resulting in him looking for partners that he could help and heal and that could help him. Ultimately this led to failed relationships as he wasn’t receiving what he needed. In his twenties he was diagnosed as suffering from schizophrenia and was advised to take time out to “reset” his life. It took time for Adam to realise what he needed to do. We talk about his work as a therapist, his child who is also highly empathic, what it is to be a man and what it is to be Adam. I’ve not met anyone like Adam before so for me this was a fascinating and insightful conversation, which I truly hope you enjoy as much as we did.

What if you’re just not seen in the world and your parents pay no attention to you at all! How do you deal with that as an adult?

Susan talks passionately about her life of disconnection and feeling shut down as a child. She had no idea about life and how to be in it! She learnt how to be in the world by mirroring what went on around her.

Having faced extremely challenging periods in her life including dealing with emotional trauma that resulted in depression as an adult through the help of others she worked out how to connect. In her own words without therapeutic help I don’t think I would be here now.

Throughout her life dancing was a key element and enabled Susan to truly come alive! She wanted to teach others particularly women, babies and small children through dance and movement therapy how to overcome their issues. This episode provides a fascinating insight into life in Australia in the 50s and 70s, what it was like for Susan and how she navigated her way through relationships, having children and dealing with her emotional issues. I truly hope you enjoy the conversation as much as we did.

Richard and I talk about how to deal with conforming and fear

In today’s episode I’m talking to a friend of mine Richard who lives with his partner and 2 boys in a suburb of Melbourne. He’s a film maker and musician. We discuss conforming, how he views it and deals with it and fear. I really hope you enjoy the conversation as much as we did.